Loveless
by LadyFromPoland
Summary: Merlin was hit with a sleeping curse. Only the true love's kiss can wake him up. Arthur is determined to find Merlin's true love and get his friend back. But will he succeed? At the same time, he needs to deal with his own feelings that he was hiding for years.
1. Loveless

_**Loveless**_

Camelot seemed quiet and empty ever since Merlin had been hit with a curse. Arthur was certain that it was Morgana's doing, even though done by another's hand. He didn't know what to think about it. He just couldn't understand Morgana's motive. Perhaps his sister knew that watching Merlin like this would be killing him slowly from the inside. It didn't mean that Arthur would rather have Merlin die quickly, but at the moment he felt utterly helpless.

Merlin, the great Court Sorcerer and his dear friend, was lying unconscious in an endless coma. Gaius had examined him thoroughly and he came to one conclusion. Merlin could be woken up only by true love's kiss.

However, there was one tiny little problem with that. Merlin wasn't courting anyone, and as far as Arthur knew, he was too busy to even indulge himself in having a romantic relationship. Merlin cared for Camelot and loved her people but it wasn't enough. He needed his true love right now and if he didn't have it, then he wasn't going to wake up at all. This single thought was crushing Arthur. He refused to believe that he would never see Merlin's goofy smile or hear one of his playful insults ever again. Camelot without Merlin just seemed unbearable.

Nonetheless, Arthur wasn't going to give up all hope. If Merlin had a true love, he was going to find it.

In his first attempt, the king literally made all the serving girls working in the castle kiss Merlin. His friend was his servant for many years and he thought that perhaps he fell for one of the maids during that time. Unfortunately, it didn't work.

Afterwards Arthur became desperate enough to allow anyone to come to Merlin's chambers under his own or his knights' supervision to give Merlin a kiss. Nonetheless, despite all these efforts, Merlin remained unconscious.

Then the king stopped frowning upon the idea of men kissing his friend. At first, this thought made him anxious and angry because he was certain that he would have known that Merlin preferred the company of men. However, in the end, he decided that there was a time when he thought about Merlin's magic in the same way. He was wrong then and he could be wrong now.

He sighed heavily, coming to the conclusion that letting other men kiss Merlin was at least worth a try.

That was why Merlin was kissed by all servants and knights of Camelot during the following days. Gwaine even kissed him twice, saying that he wanted to be sure. However, it still didn't work.

No one seemed to work. It appeared that Merlin was loveless and this thought was killing Arthur from the inside.

oOoOo

Arthur entered his chambers, slamming the door. It was clear that he was angry and miserable. All he wanted to do was to hide somewhere where no one could find him.

"Arthur..." Guinevere said to him softly. She seemed to understand and support him but it wasn't enough at the moment.

His wife was a wonderful woman but she couldn't help him in this case. She couldn't wake Merlin up and Arthur knew that she had already tried.

"I don't want to talk about it," he murmured grimly. He really meant that. He knew that Gwen wanted all what was best for him but it was a hopeless case. No one could give him what he needed the most because he needed Merlin by his side in order to remain sane.

Guinevere touched his chin gently and made him look into her eyes. "I think you should consider something," she started speaking cautiously, not wanting to get on his nerves.

"Don't," he said harshly. He knew what she was about to suggest but he didn't think he was able to discuss it. Not at this moment.

"Arthur..." She sounded a bit disappointed and he hated himself for doing it to her.

"I mean it, Guinevere," said Arthur firmly. "I know what you think. What you all think..." He lowered his gaze, not wanting her to notice that his eyes started shining with tears. He repeated himself that he couldn't cry over a man. That was his golden rule. That was something that he was telling all young knights. That was something that his father once told him.

"You think that I am the one..." he continued. "You think that I should kiss Merlin and we will have him back."

"But that makes perfect sense, Arthur," Gwen insisted stubbornly. "Merlin is devoted to you and if there is someone in the world who can be his true love, then it must be you." She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "I know it's complicated because I'm your wife and he is a man and your best friend, but you should at least give it a try. We all want Merlin to come back to us."

Arthur couldn't hold his tears any longer. He let them go, shaking his head and trembling all over his body.

"I am _not_ his true love," he said in a resigned tone.

"You cannot know it for sure until you try to wake him up with a kiss," Gwen told him softly.

Arthur laughed hysterically. She still didn't understand what he meant, so he had to say it in a direct way.

He took a deep breath to calm down a bit and then raised his gaze to meet his wife's eyes. "The point is that I kissed him today and it didn't work. I am _not_ the one." His voice was clearly vulnerable and hurt.

"Oh, Arthur..." whispered Guinevere and pulled him into a tight embrace.

 _ **[Before]**_

 _Arthur opened the doors to Merlin's chamber. The room seemed cold and lifeless, and it was driving Arthur mad inside._

 _He took a seat on a chair that stood next to Merlin's bed. He was spending a lot of time in this chair recently. Much more time than the king of Camelot should have._

 _Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand and started caressing it tenderly. "I wonder if you can hear me," he said quietly. "I can hear what they whisper behind my back. They say that you love me and that my kiss can bring you back. I can also feel their gazes. Even Guinevere's..." He sighed heavily. "I wish it was that easy but it's not. I know that you love me, because of course you do! But not like this... I'm a prat after all. You always said that... And a prat cannot be your one true love. I don't deserve this honour."_

 _Then he went silent for a few long moments. He doubted that Merlin could hear it but he wouldn't be embarrassed if he could._

" _I never told you that before but I hope you guessed it on your own, Merlin," Arthur eventually started talking again. "You always had a special place in my heart and if the circumstances were different... If I wasn't a king and if you were willing, it all could end up in a completely different way," he admitted. "But I am a king and I cannot follow the desires of my heart. Not these kinds of desires. However, I know where my feelings lie and I know that they are with you."_

 _Arthur bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes for a short moment. Merlin couldn't see his embarrassment but he needed it. He needed to be surrounded by darkness. It helped him focus on things that truly mattered._

" _I let the whole castle kiss you, postponing this moment. I fear that once I do it and you won't wake up, I'll lose all my hope." He took a deep breath. "I do hope that I will see you smile again. I promise you that I won't rest until I find your true love, even if it's not me. I won't give up, Merlin. I swear on my honour."_

 _Arthur leaned down slightly. He wasn't ready yet but he was slowly getting there. "Perhaps my love for you is strong enough to get you out of this coma. Perhaps you don't need to love me as much as Gaius says the curse requires. It's a slim chance but I'm going to take it."_

 _Then Arthur moved forward, fearing that if he were to wait some more, he would hesitate and run away. He needed to try it for Merlin. He owed him that much._

 _Merlin's lips were dry and unmoving when Arthur covered them with his own. The kiss was awkward but Arthur wasn't going to be discouraged by that. He was slowly moving his lips, trying to get his tongue inside Merlin's mouth. He wasn't sure if the curse required a deep kiss but he had to try everything._

 _When after a short while, Merlin's lips remained unmoving, Arthur pulled away. He looked at his friend's pale face and grimaced. He expected it to end up this way from the very beginning, but he couldn't help feeling disappointed._

" _I'm sorry," he whispered and rushed out of the room, not wanting to wait for something that wasn't going to come. It was too painful._

oOoOo

Arthur was sobbing in his wife's arms. It was embarrassing because he was a man and a king and he should be the strong one in this relationship. However, he couldn't help it.

Guinevere understood that. Merlin meant a lot to her too but he and Arthur shared a special bond. She was certain that her husband's kiss was going to work. Merlin always cared for Arthur the most, and every time the king entered the room, everything else ceased to matter to him. Merlin had eyes only for Arthur. It simply didn't make sense that Arthur's kiss didn't wake him up.

"Perhaps Gaius was wrong," she suggested softly. "Perhaps there's another way to break this curse."

"Gaius is never wrong about these things," Arthur pointed out as he moved away from her. He had his moment of weakness but he couldn't let it continue. He needed to be strong for his kingdom. That was something that Merlin would have wanted.

"Perhaps he is this one time," she said hopefully. "Nonetheless, we're not giving up, Arthur. We're going to save Merlin in one way or another. He risked his own life countless times for Camelot. Now it's our turn to save him."

Arthur nodded and made himself smile weakly. He felt quite defeated at the moment but he never considered giving up. Not when it concerned Merlin.

 _ **[Before]**_

 _The door to Merlin's chambers was slammed forcefully._

" _Arthur..." Merlin's words penetrated the silence in a muffled whisper. He slowly opened his eyes, breathing heavily._

 _He moved his hand over his body up to his mouth. He touched his lips with hesitation, not being sure if what he experienced a moment ago happened in a dream or in reality._

 _Merlin wanted to jump out of his bed and rush after Arthur. He would follow him to the end of the Earth but his limbs were too weak. He wasn't even able to move into a sitting position._

 _His heart was aching for Arthur. He would crawl to his king's chambers if he had enough strength, but it was out of the question. All he could do was to wait patiently._

 _Someone was going to visit him sooner or later. Someone was going to make his reunion with Arthur happen. Until that time, he would keep touching his lips, thinking about the things he heard and hoping that they were real._

* * *

 **I may write one more chapter** **for this story. I haven't decided yet. So if you want to read more, feel free to subscribe.**


	2. Loved

_**Loved**_

Arthur was lost deep in his thoughts when an urgent knocking brought him back to reality. He glanced questioningly at his wife, but Gwen seemed just as surprised as he was.

"Enter," he said firmly, glad that he managed to get a grip on himself. None of his people should see him in his worst state. He was their leader and they depended on him. He should never give them a reason to doubt it.

The door was opened and Sir Leon entered the chambers. He was clearly moved by something, as his eyes seemed larger and wider than usual.

"Sire," the knight greeted him, not even addressing Gwen properly. It was so not like Leon. He was always kind and proper but this time he seemed too preoccupied to even think about good manners and appropriateness.

"What's wrong, Leon?" Arthur asked him worryingly. He was so focused on his own pain that he started neglecting his kingly duties. That wasn't something that he was proud of.

"Nothing's wrong, Sire," Leon assured him quickly. "Quite the contrary, actually."

Arthur frowned at these words. Leon's behaviour just didn't make any sense to him. He even started worrying that he was too deep in his own grief for his mind to work properly.

Fortunately, Leon didn't plan to keep him waiting much longer.

"Merlin's awake," he finally said, looking at Arthur intensely. "I came to check on him this evening, as I usually do these days, and I found him fully conscious."

The moment he heard about Merlin being awake, Arthur dropped the chalice he was holding. As a result, the floor was stained with wine, but it didn't matter. Merlin was the only thing that mattered in Arthur's world at the moment.

"What?" he asked in disbelief. His heart was beating hard in his chest. "How? When?"

"Calm down, Sire," Leon told him with concern. "Merlin is still weak and he's not able to move on his own, but when he saw me, he whispered your name a few times. That was actually the only thing that he managed to say."

"I am calm," said Arthur but the tone of his voice was far from quiet.

Leon and Gwen shared a short, knowing look. Arthur clearly needed their help.

"Take a seat," Guinevere said to him gently.

"No!" He looked at her as if she suggested the worst thing in the world. "I need to see him."

"You will," Gwen assured him. "But we don't want Merlin to see you in this state, do we? You need to calm down, if not for your own sake, then for Merlin's."

Deep down Arthur knew that she was right but he couldn't help feeling like this. Dozens of questions were running through his head. However, he couldn't find an answer to any of them.

When Arthur finally agreed to sit on the edge of their bed, Gwen gave Leon a sign to leave them alone. The knight nodded , understanding her right away.

Once the door was closed behind him, Guinevere moved to take a seat by her husband's side, and then she took his hands into her own.

"Someone woke him up, Guinevere," Arthur murmured, trembling. He sounded both happy and miserable at the same time.

"We both know that you're the one who did that," she said quietly, squeezing his hands reassuringly.

Arthur shook his head violently. "It wasn't me. I told you what happened."

"Perhaps you didn't wait long enough," Gwen suggested. "I know how impatient you can be. How your pride must have suffered when..."

"Stop it, Guinevere."

"Arthur," she said firmly. The tone of her voice made him look into her eyes. They were a bit tired but decidedly persistent.

At this moment he fully understood why he had chosen her to be his queen.

"I know for certain that Merlin loves you," she told him in a quiet but decisive voice. "You were always blind to it, but the way he looks at you sometimes is far from subtle. Everybody seems to notice that. Everybody but you."

"Guinevere, it doesn't necessarily mean that..."

"But it does!"

He had never seen her like this. It almost seemed as if she wanted it to be true.

"You are my wife, Guinevere," he reminded her in a firm voice. "I am the king. I can't allow myself to notice these things. Even if it's true... Even if I am Merlin's true love, nothing can ever happen between us. I am happy that he's awake but we can only continue as we always have... as friends at best."

"Arthur." This time she sounded neither angry nor sad. "You should go to his chambers and tell him."

"Tell him what exactly?" he wasn't sure if he understood correctly what his wife meant.

"Tell him how you truly feel," Gwen simply said. "You should be there for him."

"What's the point of that?" he asked, feeling utterly broken and confused.

"You're not listening to me, Arthur," she said in a patient tone. "I _understand_ how you feel right now. You need to go to him and tell him." She didn't lower her gaze even for a second. "You still have a chance to do it. I am _not_ that lucky."

Then it hit him. Arthur gasped and his eyes went wide. He couldn't believe that she truly meant it all.

"Guinevere..."

She gave him a short smile but there was something saddening about it. "I don't want you to regret anything, Arthur. Now _please_ , go to him."

Arthur rose to his feet, still not being sure if it all was happening for real. He glanced at his wife one more time and when she nodded reassuringly at him, he moved towards the door, and then left his chambers in undeniable shock.

"Are you all right, Sire?" the guard who was standing outside his rooms asked him.

The king only managed to nod in response and then he moved forward. The closer he was getting to Merlin's chamber, the quicker his pace was becoming. He practically ran through the last corridor leading to Merlin's room, but when he finally reached the door, he stopped right in front of it.

He knew what he wanted but he couldn't help feeling anxious. It was certain that once he crossed this door, nothing was going to be the same ever again.

Then he thought about weak and vulnerable Merlin who was waiting there for him. Merlin who put an effort into saying _his_ name when he saw the first person after his awakening.

Suddenly, Arthur felt that he needed to be brave for both of them. With this realisation, he took a deep breath and pushed the door open, not even bothering to knock. After all, Merlin was waiting for him right this moment, just as he had been waiting for him to wake up this last couple of weeks.

There was only one candle lit in the room but it provided enough light for Arthur to see Merlin's tired but hopeful eyes. His friend's lips started trembling a bit and it was clear that he wanted to say something but he was too shaken to utter a word.

Arthur was by his side in mere seconds, breathing heavily and trembling himself. He sat on the edge of Merlin's bed, ignoring the chair completely, because he wanted to be as close to him as possible.

"You're back," whispered Arthur, touching his hand hesitantly. "I can't believe it..." Then he took Merlin's hand into his own, wanting to feel his warm flesh under his fingers. "It's a miracle."

"Not a miracle," Merlin finally managed to say. "It's you."

Arthur gasped, hearing this confirmation. Deep down he hoped it was him but the prospect just seemed so unreal.

"Are you sure?" the king asked, wanting to get rid of any doubts.

Merlin nodded lightly. "I could hear you all this time," he said. "Only you, Arthur. No one else."

Then he moved his hand towards Arthur, trying to pull his king closer, but he was still weak and hissed in pain as a result.

"I've got you," said Arthur, pulling him up slightly.

Suddenly, their faces were so close and their eyes met. It wouldn't take much for them to lean in and kiss.

Then Merlin lowered his gaze. "You're married," he whispered. His voice was full of regrets.

Arthur touched Merlin's cheek and made him look into his eyes again. "Don't worry about this," he said.

"But Gwen..."

"She understands," Arthur told him. "She practically gave us her blessing."

Merlin gasped at his words. "She's your wife and queen, Arthur," he said. "That wouldn't be fair..."

"She _understands_ ," he repeated firmly, looking at him intently. "I made a mistake years ago and so did she. Guinevere chose me over Lancelot and I chose her over you. It was the right decision for the kingdom, but not for any of us," he explained, caressing his cheek tenderly.

"Lancelot's gone," Merlin pointed out with sadness clear in his voice. "Gwen can't follow her heart now."

"I know that and it's not fair, but she knows how it feels to be separated from a loved one. That's why she allows me to follow my heart." He took a deep breath. "It won't be easy, Merlin, and it can never be official in any way, but are you willing to give it a try?" He looked at him expectantly. "Are you willing to give _us_ a chance?"

Merlin's head was spinning from all the thoughts and doubts that crossed his mind this day. He had a lot of time to think while he was lying alone in the room that was getting darker and darker, waiting for someone to find him. He knew what he wanted most in the world but it also occurred to him that it wasn't right to want it.

Nonetheless, the answer to Arthur's questions was easy. He could never say _no_ to Arthur. Not to an offer like that.

"Always," he whispered.

Arthur wasn't going to wait any longer. He pressed his lips to Merlin's, fully experiencing their kiss for the first time. It wasn't a perfect kiss because they were still learning each other, but they didn't care.

It was just the beginning.


End file.
